Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
