Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
