Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's blow job season.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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