i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
These tits shall not be calmed
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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