What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
