Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize