Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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