I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
