If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
