when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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