Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
