....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
