she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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