It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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