Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the condom got lost in my hair
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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