considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
