I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you still have your period?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
