Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize