I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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