We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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