Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize