I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
