i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
