I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
