why didn't you poke me back
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
