i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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