Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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