You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
