I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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