my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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