dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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