His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
