Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
