I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize