Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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