he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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