thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
