I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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