Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
