I am in a vortex of obligation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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