once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
