you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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