why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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