i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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