before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
