either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
