He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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