he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
