Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
