i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
