Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
