your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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