guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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