Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
